Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Gun debate.

[The following is a debate that took place between a friend, someone else, and myself on facebook. Because my part of the debate took so much effort in typing, and because many other people hold anti-gun opinions, I'm going to just post a copy here so I can just refer to this one as a summary of my opinions.]
[Below is the image the friend posted  that started the debate]
 
[For the privacy of those involved in the debate, the names have been replaced.
My name will appear as "BlueScreen", the friend whose facebook page this took place on will be Bob, the other somebody will be Jack. No significance to these names at all. They are simple, generic labels to identify who is saying what. Yes, yes, I know they're unoriginal replacement names. Deal with it, ok? I'll try harder next time. Sheesh!]
 
 
 
 
 
============================================
Jack:
I own guns too, you know. It reflects badly on gun owners when you make such a terrible argument.
=============================================
Bob:
Not really. It basically says to actually think actions out and not just jump on a bandwagon conclusion instead of sitting down and thinking out a proper solution. When people let emotion cloud their judgement as you are doing now, that is when we start digging holes too deep to get out of.
============================================
Jack:
What bandwagon are you talking about? Who is trying to make laws "banning all guns"? Nobody I know of, and certainly not me.
=============================================
Bob:
Executive orders signed just a few days ago are said laws .
=============================================
Jack:
Here's a list of the orders. I don't see any that says "all guns are banned." Which ones in particular do you have a problem with? They all sound pretty restrained and reasonable to me.
1. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal agencies to make relevant data available to the federal background check system.
2. Address unnecessary legal barriers, particularly relating to the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act, that may prevent states from making information available to the background check system.
3. Improve incentives for states to share information with the background check system.
4. Direct the Attorney General to review categories of individuals prohibited from having a gun to make sure dangerous people are not slipping through the cracks.
5. Propose rulemaking to give law enforcement the ability to run a full background check on an individual before returning a seized gun.
6. Publish a letter from ATF to federally licensed gun dealers providing guidance on how to run background checks for private sellers.
7. Launch a national safe and responsible gun ownership campaign.
8. Review safety standards for gun locks and gun safes (Consumer Product Safety Commission).
9. Issue a Presidential Memorandum to require federal law enforcement to trace guns recovered in criminal investigations.
10. Release a DOJ report analyzing information on lost and stolen guns and make it widely available to law enforcement.
11. Nominate an ATF director.
12. Provide law enforcement, first responders, and school officials with proper training for active shooter situations.
13. Maximize enforcement efforts to prevent gun violence and prosecute gun crime.
14. Issue a Presidential Memorandum directing the Centers for Disease Control to research the causes and prevention of gun violence.
15. Direct the Attorney General to issue a report on the availability and most effective use of new gun safety technologies and challenge the private sector to develop innovative technologies.
16. Clarify that the Affordable Care Act does not prohibit doctors asking their patients about guns in their homes.
17. Release a letter to health care providers clarifying that no federal law prohibits them from reporting threats of violence to law enforcement authorities.
18. Provide incentives for schools to hire school resource officers.
19. Develop model emergency response plans for schools, houses of worship and institutions of higher education.
20. Release a letter to state health officials clarifying the scope of mental health services that Medicaid plans must cover.
21. Finalize regulations clarifying essential health benefits and parity requirements within ACA exchanges.
22. Commit to finalizing mental health parity regulations.
23. Launch a national dialogue led by Secretaries Sebelius and Duncan on mental health.

=======================================
Bob:
You are seriously overreacting to my statements. Also, those are summaries and not the fully listed orders which means there is plenty of information missing. What I have been talking about is the fact that such large numbers of orders and laws focused around one single issue is going to just make everyone focus even more on those issues instead of more important ones, thereby demanding even more actions be taken because people seem to be losing their ability to think independently. Emotions are high on both sides of the fence, but they are higher on the side wanting removal of guns, which is clouding true reasoning on issue at hand.
Once again, if you didn't like my post, you were not required to read it, comment on it, or even keep it on your feed. All you seem to be doing is saying that you would rather attack my beliefs than move on with your life when my beliefs aren't hurting you.

==============================================
Jack:
Dude, I'm on your side. As I said before, I own guns too. A ban would be counterproductive and unenforceable. I'm not attacking anyone's beliefs. I first pointed out the cognitive dissonance required for the image you posted to make sense, and then addressed the factual errors in subsequent posts.
Those are indeed summaries, but not a single one of those orders restricts gun rights for anyone in any way. None of them are the knee-jerk overreaction everyone seems to fear. You wanted everyone to "think actions out, sit down and think out a proper solution" instead of "just jumping on a bandwagon conclusion?" That's exactly what the president did. No one is taking anyone's guns. No one is even trying. In fact, the only heightened emotions I've witnessed in this whole debate are the unfounded fear and paranoia on the part of (some) gun owners and conspiracy theorists in response to even the mildest regulatory action.
=============================================
BlueScreen:
If it's alright for me to interject into this conversation briefly, I'd just like to point out that yes, there is indeed much fear on the part of gun owners, yes, paranoia, even. Myself included. However, it is not baseless; not entirely. If one digs in to the chain of events leading up to a dictator rising to power, they all follow similar procedures. One of the first things dictator wannabe's do is take the guns from the populace (among other things, but that goes beyond this discussion). A disarmed populace is easy to control because they cannot fight back, obviously. (The movie V is for Vendetta beautifully portrays this.) But you see, whilst each of these executive orders (which are supposed to be legislation coming from Congress, but the Constitution doesn't seem to matter anymore anyway) seem reasonable... no doubt buried in the details of those executive orders are little restrictions that make it harder and harder to exercise the right to own, possess, and use firearms. Operating under the incorrect paradigm that gun owning is a privilege allowed by the government, more and more restrictive laws are placed a little bit at a time. No automatic fire without an insanely expensive permit (federal law); no magazine larger than ten rounds (a law Congress was working on, I believe); no magazine larger than five rounds (New York law or something); no weapon that has a magazine (we're going there eventually); the weapon must be disassembled and placed into a safe while the ammunition must be placed in a different safe (California law if I remember correctly).
 
The point is: death by a thousand papercuts. Hitler, Stalin, Pol Pot, Mao Tse Tung, Fidel Castro, none of them did a "all guns are banned. Hand 'em in right now or be shot." No, they did it with gradual, numerous small laws that ate away the people's number and size of weapons until they had almost none left. It's hader to argue against a regulation requiring "mental competence," whatever that is nowadays, than it is to argue against a "Turn in everything that throws stuff down a barrel to the local DMV office or be a fugitive from the law." 
 
The entire purpose of the second amendment was not to allow the people to overthrow the gov't when they pleased, but to defend themselves from tyranny, be it from an invading army or their own gov't. I dislike mentioning religion when trying to perform a logical explication, but the foundation the second amendment was built on, is that it's a God-given right, not a gov't given right. How was it supposed to work? Every adult citizen of the Unites States is to be allowed to have whatever size or number of weapon they choose. Any. AR-15 with drum magazine? Yes. Bazookas? Yes. Nukes? Unlikely, but yes. No questions asked. Sound extreme? It's not; it was almost common sense among some of the founding fathers (notably Thomas Jefferson) that the people need to be as well armed, or more so, than their government. The moment the army outguns the populace, tyranny could easily ensue, and it eventually does. But what about mentally-ill people, or various killers we hear about in the news? Think back to the Wild West days. What happened then? Anyone committing murder was shot on sight by other armed people, hanged by a more-or-less functional justice system, or knew better than to kill with so many other guns around. Mentally ill people were sent to institutions where they ideally couldn't harm themselves or others (of course, back then, they were horrible places, but that's beyond this discussion).
 
Just as it's suicide to try to hold up a gun shop (some people have tried and failed), it would be also suicide to try to do a repeat of The Dark Knight Rises mass shooting if even one person in that theater had a gun. The fewer bureaucratic restrictions on gun ownership, the more guns in people's hands, the fewer mass shootings there are. 
 
At the risk of being didactic, I'll go so far as to say: arm the people, they'll take care of themselves. They don't need an executive order to prevent "gun violence." In fact, such orders get in the way.
Apologies for oversimplification; much of this will come across as opinionated ramblings, but rest assured, I don't blindly spout rhetoric until I have logically and critically analyzed it for myself and made some personal observation regarding the topic.
 
The sad fact is guns ARE being taken, Jack. In the below video, it was at a "disaster" area. In the future, who's to say a peaceful protest could be declared "civil unrest" and then do exactly what happened in the video? (which has happened in other countries already).   
 
 
And there are populaces in other countries that have been disarmed and are now suffering dearly for it. They serve as an example to us:
 
 
It IS gong to happen here and soon:
 
 
 
This comment is not meant to be contradictory for its own sake; I'm just trying to present a logical explanation behind the fear that many gun owners have concerning the gov'ts recent moves.
 
============================================
BlueScreen:
Holy swiss cheese, that was neither concise nor brief. -_-
=========================================
Jack:
Now we're getting somewhere. Thank you for your thoughtful reply.
About your implication that the orders violate the Constitution: the executive branch is responsible for enforcing the law. When Congress creates a regulatory agency, for example the ATF, CDC, CPSC, and others mentioned in the orders, that agency is typically responsible for writing the regulations. That is within the purview of the executive branch. So if the president directs the CPSC to review standards for gun locks, for example, he is not usurping Congress' powers; he is using the agency's powers, provided by Congress, to achieve the agency's mission, in this case consumer product safety. None of those orders rise to the level of an act of Congress.
=======================================
BlueScreen:
And in turn I thank you for your thoughtful reply. I'm not exactly well-versed in that aspect on government workings, so I can't hold a solid opinion either way. I'll have to do some research before I agree with you, but from where I stand, it does sound like you know what you're talking about.
====================================
Jack:
Continued... about rights and the second amendment: according to the Supreme Court long ago, to curtail a fundamental right, such as freedom of speech or the right to bear arms, the government must have a "compelling interest" such as national security, preserving lives, preserving other rights, etc. and the restriction must be as narrow as possible to achieve that interest. In other words, no right is absolute, but you need a very good reason to restrict one. Consider the first amendment. We have freedom of speech, but you can still be prosecuted for libel, or for starting a riot, and you need permission from the FCC to broadcast your speech on certain frequencies. We have freedom of assembly, but police have powers to disperse a crowd that may become violent. We have freedom from warrantless searches, but if the police see a crime is in progress, they can kick in your door without a warrant. No one has a problem with some kind of reasonable restriction for the sake of public safety as long as it only goes as far as necessary. Why should it be any different for the second amendment? Background checks, limitations on the power and lethality of arms, licensing and registration of arms, and safety regulations like gun locks are not onerous restrictions, but they go a long way toward preserving public safety. None of them stop me from enjoying my hobby in peace.
===================================
BlueScreen:
Like I was getting at earlier, the second amendment is not about a hobby, or sporting. That's a byproduct and is NOT the issue under discussion. Guns are for protection from the government and criminals. Gun locks make it impossible to get to a firearm quick enough to defend your home; limiting the power and lethality of weapons chips away at the people's teeth against their own government which WILL turn on them (it's happened in other counties already); background checks, registration, and licensing, oh there's something to talk about. Yes, background checks to keep criminals from buying guns, licensing to keep incompetent fools from harming themselves, and registering guns to allow the cops to trace a weapon used in a crime: yes, these are all valuable crime-fighting tools. I don't know the statistics but even if those do help police solve crimes, they're not preventing the crimes from happening in the first place by a long shot (no pun intended).
 
What's really going on is:

Background checks allow the feds to know when and where the gun was purchased.
Licensing allows the feds to know who is purchasing them.
Registering firearms allows the feds to know what kind and how many guns are in someone's possession.
 
None of these make the streets safer at all; they just help cops mop up the aftermath of a crime. What the feds' true agenda behind the demonstrable "public safety" is to allow the government to have power... control of its people.
 
When you buy a gun, every Department of Justice bureaucrat knows what you're buying, where and when you bought it, on top of how many other and what kind of guns you have. When, not if, but when, the feds try to disarm America's people, you will eventually have to disassemble your 5-round magazine gun and keep it in a separate safe from the ammo, which is in another safe. What good is that when there's someone breaking into your house? You have only about ten seconds to respond to a criminal threat. Then, a few years after that, with a 500% ammo tax you won't be able to afford to defend yourself, and then what little pop-guns you've got left will have to be turned in or else. Registration and licensing tells the feds _exactly_ who to send a SWAT team after to take away the weapons. Then what? Dictatorship. Nazi Germany all over again.
 
I'm sorry Jack, but you completely missed the entire point of what I was trying to tell you. Every restriction on guns, no matter how small or reasonable sounding, results in less power the people have versus their government. The restrictions may not be onerous, but they are malicious, and it would seem not one American in a thousand, if that, can diagnose why their liberties are almost gone. What liberties can we have if we can't defend them?
 
This all sounds paranoid and conspiracy-ish, but students of history know it has happened before again and again. Those who do not learn the lessons of history are doomed to repeat it. We may be at a peaceful spot on the metaphorical river, but look ahead and you'll see the waterfall around the bend. Think of the first Jurassic Park movie, when the main characters were arguing amongst themselves, then one or two of them saw the ripples in a cup of water. Then they tell the others to stop and listen. They hear the booming footfalls of something massive approaching. Then, there's a T-Rex on top of them eating them whole before they can say "run". Government IS that T-Rex, and the American people have loosened its leash over the course of a few generations, foolishly thinking it was a tame house-pet. Soon, and within our lifetime, it's gonna break free and try to swallow us. There's no hiding from it, it can see your every movement with cameras and paper trail eyes; there's no outrunning it, it's the size of the Pentagon; there's no fighting it, it has teeth the size of tanks, jet planes, and humvees, whereas you and I only have cap guns.
 
Yes, if Americans don't want to end up like Soviet Russia, everyday people need... absolutely must have to have military-grade weapons. I mean, do you seriously expect to keep your freedom of political speech when all you have to back it up is a 5-round capacity 9mm disassembled in a safe? Who can have freedom of press when you're staring down a .50 cal full-auto barrel, tear gas, nightvision, UAVs?

Don't like what arbitrary taxes your congressmen are levying against you? What can you say about them when a tank demolishes your house with one shot? All basic human rights are given to us by God, but it's not free. We have to fight to keep them or pay for our apathy with not only our own freedoms, but the freedoms of future generations.
 
There is danger; it's not here yet, but it's galloping and we're vulnerable to being trampled under mighty hooves. Every single government that ever existed has and will turn on its people at some point. Our moment is nearly at hand when we choose freedom or slavery. The people need unfettered, unrestricted, unquestioned access to whatever the heck they want to buy. Every adult U.S. citizen has a God-given right to buy a grenade launcher. Or three. Anything less is moving towards tyrannical disarmament.
 
I'll quote Patrick Henry on this note:
It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace, but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!
 
==============================
BlueScreen:
Do not trade personal liberty for "public safety". The public is as safe as you and I make it. To rely upon the government to make the streets safe is when the streets will be safe only for the government.
 
============================
 
[End of debate. Or, at least, Bob and Jack stopped responding.]
 
Now, in hindsight, I had the opportunity to chat with a different person (not related to the above debate) about whether the second amendment applies to nukes or not, and after more careful thought I am not sure about it. So, don't quote me on that until I do some research and acquire a solid opinion either way. Until then, I'm not going to stand on the nuclear weapons extent too much, but I still solidly believe rocket launchers, machine guns, tanks, jet planes are all covered.
 
For your information.
 
_BlueScreen, 20120205

Pushing the envelope too far.

For mood music: Hard Trance Techno - Eternal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Y0Q2RWNLdc

Had a bad week due to the extreme strain of too much homework, and not enough sleep. Here are a few recent facebook posts of mine that help to get the point across:

[Beginning of copied facebook posts]

...I have better things to do than wrestle with an inanely over-'useful' programming language consisting almost entirely of canned functions possessing a help file longer than the normanomicon otherwise known by the acronym "matlab". Such better things to do include doing unreasonable amounts of homework involving throwing circuits to and fro within a dimension I do not understand because the instructor tries to pack two lectures into one, and is like a ninja with algebra, which the rest of us are not. Come on, TTU professors, some of us have not been doing this for 10 years, please slow down for the love of everything that is bacon! Bacon? Where did that come from? Did that floor tile just move?!? No, just need sleep desperately. Then what are you doing on Facebook, Dustin? And why are you typing to yourself? Shut up and go to bed. Fine! So there. X| Blegh... this is going to be a long week.

...Spent 10.5 hours in the library, 8 of them on one homework problem. Three more problems to go, and it's due at 8AM tomorrow, which is 8.5 hours away. Finishing this assignment? Knowing what I'm doing? I don't think so.
Also spent five bucks on a tuna fish sandwich at Au Bon Pain. I could have bought a gallon of gas and driven off a bridge 20 miles from here for that much money. Whatever.


...It is now painfully obvious I am not capable of maintaining such a heavy workload of 11 credit hours of mid-division EE classes. This week was full of... mud, adrenaline, caffeine, marker fumes, teachers who might as well be speaking Lyran, and watching the rest of the world spin by whenever I'm not collapsed from physiological exhaustion. Enough. My mind and body cannot handle this stress level: 3rd week of school should not be like finals week. From now on, I should either take 6 credit hours per semester, or take everything twice.
System status = crash.... abort/retry/ignore? ALL THREE! .....*spark, fizzle* ....*silence*....


[End of copied facebook posts]

Thanks to the blessed weekend, I am now able to catch up on at least a little bit of sleep. However, there is just so much homework that I'm expected to do. I know my limits, and this workload is past it. If the workload doesn't lighten up by itself (unlikely), then I'll be forced to pick a class to ignore, and retake next semester, just like differential equations. Not looking forward to that eventuality.
But I have to. There were times during this week that I started to see things move out of the corner of my eye... I often barely knew what day it was... hardly made sense in verbal conversations... even had trouble recognizing some of my friends (kind of embarrassing, actually).

Sure, I could fake knowing the material and bluff my way through and accept a C or D in all of these classes; and sometimes you can do that, but it's simply not possible most of the time. Not for my major. You can't fake knowing math; you can either work the problems or not. Even if one could fake knowing the material, in engineering, it's self-destructive and self-defeating because the courses build on each other. How is one to be able to work with advanced concepts if the foundations are not laid for them? It simply doesn't work that way.

For mood music: Trafik - Hard to Resist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n92AXAZPvoo

If one looks at my academic transcript, they'll see the almost straight A's I got from Columbia State Community College for two years before I transferred to Tennessee Tech. Then my GPA plummets. At first, I thought it was because of a lack of effort on my part, but I am a studious... student. Hard worker (almost anyone I know can vouch for this). I even have relevant job experience related to my major, so I know for a fact that I am an engineer and am gainfully employed as one; engineering's in my blood. I am already a productive member of society as-is (not many college students can say such a thing this early in the game, so to speak).
So, what's causing the GPA drop? I'm working harder than ever; haven't gotten any dumber, so what is it? It's the substandard instructors, that's what. Sure, they are fine people, and I am friends with a few of them. But they have forgotten the finer points of how to teach. You give a reasonable amount of homework so that the students can understand the concepts... not give them difficult make-work to keep them busy. Make the material accessible, understandable; don't convolute it with awkward mathese and proofs; some of us have not been working problems like this for umpteen years or so. The instructors back at Columbia State knew what they were doing. Not that I'm loyal to that college or anything, it's just that their methods made sense, the expectations from the students were reasonable, and the instructors were either competent at what they did or they got fired.

Here at TN Tech, I feel like I'm just learning how to ignore the instructors and go to youtube video tutorials in order to figure out what the heck they're talking about. And youtube is free. Which begs the question.... with almost all of the knowledge necessary for most university degrees available for free on the internet.... why do we even have universities anymore? It's time for a change in the system. The old lecture style needs to be fixed. Or something of the sort.

*Sigh*. I would normally explain each of the points I raised in more detail and give a few examples, but I don't have the time right now. Need to catch up on some sleep. And by need, I really mean "need". I don't want to find out what the hallucinatory stage of sleep deprivation feels like. Nor do I want to have a weakened immune system due to the stress. Catching the cold or flu is not fun.

But now I'm rambling. Apologies for so much complaining, but sometimes you just have to get frustrations out of your system one way or another.
Anyway, lots of other interesting stuff has happened recently, but discussion of them will have to wait for the next time I can write. Gotta get the homework done.
_BlueScreen, 20130205

Thursday, January 24, 2013

A few random thoughts.

For mood music: Demon Hunter: Fading Away
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PaRVDbd_iSA

...For someone born and raised in the south, I don't very much enjoy the company of stereotypical country bumpkins.... Note that there actually aren't that many around here, but they do indeed exist.

...The campus is almost deserted because of the holiday weekend. Hardly any cars in the parking lots around here. The only difference between day and night now is the color of the sky and the presence of joggers. Thanks to said Martin Luther King, Jr. holiday, I've got a three-day weekend to enjoy (thus the desertedness of campus). At least something good came out of the Civil Rights movement.

...I've also noticed that the main social group I've been in and greatly enjoyed is busting apart; be it graduating from college or relationships dragging them away, this group is more or less dissolved. I'm in other groups, yes, but this one I enjoyed the company of most. Sometimes, you just have to heave a heavy sigh and start again with new friends.

The problem is, I've had enough of making new friends; I want closer ones. On a more positive note, over the past few days, I've made the acquaintance of five new people. Maybe they can lead me to new social groups who have more time before they have to go away...?

Also, since there is little homework for me to do currently (that'll change very soon), I've been debating with a couple of people on Facebook about the topic of creationism versus evolution and another about gun ownership rights and the second amendment. It's a lot of effort to do so, and I'm always surprised by what people will believe without logically analyzing things for themselves. I couldn't imagine such an existence: accepting things around them and not questioning their factual basis...? No offense intended toward anyone, but I wonder why some people stick to incorrect views even in the face of irrefutable logic and evidence?

Anyway, the hand is doing much better now; thanks for asking.

[It actually took until 20120124 in order to post this because of spotty internet access.]

_BlueScreen, 20130121 [I'm dropping the time-of-day numbers from the date stamp; it's too much effort to keep doing it and it doesn't offer much useful information anyway.]

Thursday, January 17, 2013

I walk alone.

For mood music: Greenday: Boulevard of Broken Dreams
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_1PMEfUMQI

This post is a little along the lines of the last post. Kind of like a continuation and explication....

Have gone through the first day of Spring 2013 classes. I see so many people's mouths move at once, and hear sounds come out, but do not understand the words. The dull roar of this continuous cacophony of irrelevance begins to give me headaches. Such a noisy campus.... 

I see couples everywhere around here. They look blissful, and I'm happy for them. But it makes me so lonely in the crowd.... Going to a technical school has turned out to be the most lonely thing I've yet encountered. It's hard to maintain focus and motivation when there's nobody to share the experience with....

The lyrics to the linked song describe my feelings, and situation well. So well.... I wish the situation would change, but I'm powerless to do anything about it. Am I, really? I don't know anymore....

It's been a long day. Too long. Only one day of classes down, and already am ready to move on. It's time for a change of scenery; ...let's just get this semester over with. 

I probably shouldn't express such personal things on the Internet, but what else can I write but the truth? How can anyone expect me to keep wearing a mask of constantly shallow, ever over-optimistic happy stuff that ends with a witty quip? It's what people like to read, but not what I like to write. One of the many benefits of writing in a blog and not on Facebook is that everything you write is not splattered in the readers' faces, so you tend to panic your friends and acquaintances less when you write depressing posts. Oh well. I wonder if anyone will read this blog and learn to not make the same mistakes I have? Or at least realize they're not alone in such thoughts?


(Excerpts from the lyrics of Boulevard of Broken Dreams; for those of you who don't want to click on the mood music link)
I walk a lonely road/
The only one that I have ever known/
Don't know where it goes,
but it's home to me and I walk alone/
I walk this empty street, on the boulevard of broken dreams/
Where the city sleeps, and I'm the only one and I walk alone/
I walk alone/
I walk alone/

I walk alone/
I walk a/

*Chorus:*
My shadow's the only one beside me/
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating/
Sometimes I wish that someone up there will find me/
'Till then, I walk alone/
*end of chorus*

I'm walking down the line/
That divides me somewhere in my mind/
Of the borderline of the edge and where I walk alone/

*other lyrics*

Check my vital signs and know I'm still alive/
And I walk alone/

*more lyrics*

I walk this empty street/
on the boulevard of broken dreams/
Where the city sleeps/
And I'm the only one and I walk a/

*a few more lyrics before the song ends with a guitar solo*


_BlueScreen, 201301172315

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

And so another semester begins.

For mood music: Ian Van Dahl: State of Mind
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVr0ugSZir8

Back in Cookeville. Again. Time to go through another semester of eating cafeteria food (which is okay, but it's never anything like home cooking), doing homework late into the evening, not getting enough sleep, then doing exams early in the morning, dodging crowds all day, and then walking the deserted, lonely streets at night in order to de-stress and re-focus. Been there, done that. I don't mean to complain, but I fail to see the potential for adventure this semester, but I dearly hope that changes.

Maybe it's time to stop living so vicariously; passively.

But this is not to say that campus life at Tennessee Technological University is bad. I'm just a little... I dunno what the right word is....  Don't want more of the same this semester. Sure, things are going great, and I've gained much social skills, friends, and academic knowledge, but it seems like things are slowing down, stagnating. It's time to try something different. No clue what, but the current routine is... going nowhere. Boring, even.

_BlueScreen, 201301162250

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Reflections upon transitions

[There are a lot of mood music links here mainly because the ones linked to are extremely short.]

For mood music: Temple One - Eternal Light (Original mix)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfXDMBvs8lk

One of the many consequences of maintaining an active mind is the inevitable result of continually having great ideas, half-baked as they initially are, and no matter how good of an idea, it always gets forgotten (memorization is not exactly one of my strengths). So, I always keep a notebook nearby in order to allow me to remember the ideas better, improve them, flesh them out, perhaps even bring them to fruition at a later date. There have been countless nights where I've long gone to bed, but been kept up by the flickering seed of an idea, but it keeps me tossing and turning restlessly. The noise of its tenacious cry to be remembered permits no rest until it has been recorded for posterity. Then I get a flashlight out and record this piece of thought on paper. Once done, my mind is cleared of material to work with, and it falls asleep. Over time, the notebook becomes completely filled with schematics, drawings, miscellaneous text I've jotted down, etc., and so from time to time it has to be ended and another began. With a 70-page spiral-bound notebook, there's only so much room of course. After filling a couple of these, I began to name them.

People name important inanimate objects all the time; cars, ships, buildings, even guns. I name my notebooks, because they hold liquefied cogitations; a distilled piece of my own personality.

Another thing needs to be explained before I can get on with the main ramblings here: calendars. Since about a year ago, I've had a paper print-out calendar. Just plain squares with numbers; no colors or fancy stationery. It's stayed with me for most of that time and when I need to remember or record a major event, like submitting an assignment, or someone's birthday, it is written in. Granted, it's not as detailed or emotionally significant as, say, a diary, but it's interesting to look back over what has transpired and have those short, sloppy scrawlings cause one to remember the circumstances under which they were made, and the events that became associated with them: the people met, things done, memories made. If it were not for this small bundle of humble paper, my life would have been that much more difficult. Why? Think about it: because a calendar allows a conscientious note-taker to effectively possess almost flawless recollection of tasks that need to be done on a deadline. Thus, having a calendar within arm's reach at all times in order to record a reminder at a moment's notice has become second-nature. No, I do not name my calendars.

For mood music: Ron Van Den Beuken - Overdrive
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M0QM9F9v-bY

Alright, alright, here's the point. As stated in a previous blog post, this past semester beheld many first's to me. But this winter break has been almost completely a time of relative solitude, contemplation, introspection, and mostly retrospection. Sometimes you have to spend a few moments to escape distractions, seek some quiet in order to do some long-neglected soul-searching to remember who you've been, who you are, and who you want to be. I'm not explaining it right, so try to see the ideas behind the words used... You have to simply be distant from a situation in order to have a more complete perspective on what you're looking at.

Let's try a sports analogy: when you're a football player on the field, all you can see is what's in front of you. Everything else going on is out of sight or partially obscured by other things going on. Other players move around, preventing you from perceiving their formation; deafening cheers of the crowd block you from hearing any possible communication from your teammates. Now, take your perspective and throw it into the livingroom of a sports fan watching the event on television. Not only do the cameras allow the fan to simultaneously see what everyone is doing, the instant replays emphasize important details and events that otherwise would have been missed by a less-observant eye. And there's the entire microphone network allowing the fan to hear many things going on. And don't forget play-by-play interpretation by the sports announcers.

Such is the difference between involvement and distance from an event or series of events. The distance need not be actual physical removal; it could also be emotional or time distance. In this case, it's time. As they say, hindsight is 20/20. I'm inclined to agree. This December, it feels as if the intro- and retro- spection coupled with deep contemplation has made it a time of transition. Looking back, I see a nerdy person who is unbearably awkward around other people and bumbles about clumsily in almost every conversation. Today, when I look in a personality mirror, the nerdiness is just as present, but not as dominating a feature. The awkwardness has faded considerably. A different person is there.

For mood music: Thomas Bronzwaer - Resound
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wF_C8yqo1Pk

What does this have to do with notebooks and calendars? Well, a week ago my most recent notebook filled up. I looked back through it, examined the progression of thought patterns during a lengthy trip down memory lane. The earliest entry is from August 13, 2008. That was a full year before entering into college. That entry was written by a homeschooling teenager who had no formal training in any profession, never had a "real" job, had no friends, had the vaguest of ideas as to a direction for his future path. He never had had anyone to talk to, go on a walk with him to eat lunch, or any connection with a like-minded individual. No idea how to talk to a girl, much less hold a conversation. That poor kid had no idea how lonely he was....

And the calendar only went to December 2012. Naturally, a new one had to be acquired beginning January 2013. That makes two major changes occurring, both of them marking the end of one chapter in life, but the beginning of another. No, this is not about cheesy new year's resolutions; the fact that it happened at this time is entirely coincidental. This is about progress.

For mood music: Thomas Bronzwaer - Shadow World (Mix mash up)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0oxxo9RpoSc

Correct me if I'm wrong, but it would seem the mark of maturity is not what you've gained so much as what you've let go of. It's nearly impossible to embrace who you are turning into unless you let go of who you've been. Sure it sounds like mushy identity crisis jargon, but at least it makes sense; you have to close the current chapter before you can turn the page. Improvement doesn't happen by sitting still. But now I'm being didactic. The last thing you need is a piece of pedagogy from me in your face.

For mood music: Temple One - Silent Nature [Original Mix] HQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTTDOLfj4ao

...Sigh, it makes me uncomfortable to talk about myself and semi-personal thoughts so much; but I can't help but write about things. The only other options for writing in a blog are the robotic projects I've been doing, which few people will understand (and I'd much rather DO the projects than talk about them), or writing short-story fiction, which can be interesting sometimes. Short-story fiction can allow one to express feelings and emotions, but the alternate settings, characters, etc. either depart from reality and become irrelevant to the things I'm going through, or risk becoming parables of a daily drama with thin masks over the character's faces when we all can figure out they are just codenames for real people that the author wants to gossip about but can't do so directly without alienating the rest of their social network so the author dresses it up as pseudo-fiction....

None of these situations are desirable, but on the other hand, talking about oneself for so long just smacks of ego. How to avoid doing such? Haven't the faintest idea, but not much is going on where I'm sitting besides said technical projects and reminiscing. No worries, once the semester begins, there will be plenty of events to write about.

I'll probably be embarrassed at some later date that any of the personal stuff in this post, or indeed this entire blog, was written by me, much less posted on the Internet, but how else is someone to know me if not by my mother tongue? The spoken word stumbles haltingly, and trips over my lips, whereas text flows with graceful ease. Ideas, emotions, events, most of them can be effectively communicated with the written word.

My heart sees in color, but my mind only understands black and white....

While in a digressing mood, we might as well mention the current mood music, Temple One - Silent Nature from 4:10 to about 4:37, seems to portray a kind of inner calm only silent, introverted people seem to have and enjoy. All else is still and the peace allows one to relax... rest. A moment of pure calm where there is no agitation or inner warfare. A conflicted, lonely soul like mine craves and cherishes these brief slices of time....

Well, it's getting late in this time zone. Time to stop rambling so much.

_BlueScreen, 201301120357

Thursday, January 10, 2013

12-gauge tactical goodness.

Had the opportunity to shoot a gun today. Always is a fun event.

But today, I'll tell you one thing; shooting a pistol-grip 12-gauge tactical shotgun one-handed (yes, one-handed) will make you look Slyvester Stalone-esque macho awesome for about three seconds. Then, about a minute later when feeling comes back to your hand, you'll wish it didn't because then you've got a little cut on a knuckle, a bruise in your palm, and possibly a pulled muscle in your thumb. You people just have no idea how much a Mossberg model 500 (a comparatively light weight and short-barrelled pump-action shotgun) will kick with No.6 ammo: a lot. 

It seems almost every gun I shoot cuts my skin in some way. Then again, it doesn't seem to happen to anyone else, so it must be that my hands are delicate or something...?

Apologies for the relative brevity of this post; I know I said this will be the repository of rants too long for facebook, but I'd rather not strain my shooting hand for a few days. It's kind of sore.

Remember: the moral of the story here is that shotguns rule! :D

_BlueScreen, 201301101620